10/07/2014
October 8, 2016, this year marks not only my birthday but the 11th anniversary of the first time I testified before an Ohio House of Representatives committee on equal custody legislation. That bill, GA125th HB232 was the first real effort anywhere in the country that I can find, or anyone else, to change the shared parenting laws to true equal custody. That bill had some flaws and it had some outside interference and opposition from the judges. It may not have been perfect but it was a good start.
I remember that day because it was my 48th birthday. I'd spent a considerable amount of time working on that bill from December of the previous year through to its introduction close to Father's Day of that year. When I say that there was a lot of work that went into the bill, I can honestly say that there were probably close to 1000 e-mails as well as hundreds of hours in phone conversations between the small group that started working on the bill and with LSC at the Statehouse. There were others involved when it started but they disappeared after we had worked on it in the language was changed. I find it very disturbing that anyone who had put that many hours into an effort would choose to walk away when crunch time came but it happens.
With the day of testimony being on my birthday I had to make a choice, do I testify or do I spend the day with my son as my agreement said that I was allowed to do it simply because it was my birthday? I made a choice and that was to celebrate my birthday with my son the evening before over pizza as he and I worked on his testimony for submission to the committee. I knew that other birthdays would come and go for me as they would for him but the chance to do what I would be doing that day was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to take a stand for every parent, my son, and every other child's future.
The drive to Columbus with friends was filled with its usual lightweight humor and good conversation, not necessarily on the task at hand but the conversation that is normal for everyone. When we arrived at Columbus testimony had already begun in the hearing room that we were in was packed. There were a lot of familiar and unfamiliar faces in the room that day who were whispering back and forth on points made by others in their testimony.
As others testified, including going domestic relations judge, it became obvious that there were some statements made about the bill by opponents that needed to be refuted if we had any chance of this bill passing out of committee. As a couple of us huddled to quickly discuss what we needed to do about the opponents' statements questions were raised about who would stand up to shoot down the opposition. With everyone already locked into what they intended to say someone was going to have to make a change on the fly and walk away from their intended testimony to clear up the issues. Now after you've spent hour upon hour working on your testimony, even rehearsed it in front of the mirror or family or friends, it is not easy to switch gears and go in another direction. I was well prepared to testify on what I had prepared but these "problems" had to be handled on the spot. I huddled with Don Hubin, another PACE director, talking about the issues that had been raised and what we needed to do to quell those concerns. Don was unsure that I could handle the task at hand and was trying to stop me from addressing the issues at hand but I insisted that we had no choice but to let me take that giant step.
My time came and my testimony went out the window as I stepped to the podium to speak. The first issue that I addressed was that of the judges and their claims of lack of discretion. I told a little story about discretion in what power the judges had.
“The discretion of a judge in the family court is so broad that if they write an order stating that you must have your child play in the middle of the freeway during rush hour, you are stuck with that.” That this statement was made as to the judge that it testified against the bill sat less than 5 feet away. It's a bit odd to watch a grown man slink in his chair trying to hide as very truthful words come out.
I addressed the issues of the domestic violence people and their opposition has best done by explaining that we were not touching the domestic violence laws at all. The years were somewhat the issues that I had to address that day on the fly but I did my job as best I could.
As I got ready to close my testimony, I did something that I don't think anybody expected me to do, I read my son’s testimony.
My name is K. Lautenschlager (While my son supports these efforts, I have kept him isolated from the parental rights movement) I am a child who has experienced equal parenting firsthand for the past 8 ½ years. I would have been here in person except I had to be in school.
Spending equal time with both my mother and father has allowed me to be with both my parents as much as is fairly possible, I have experienced having both my parents in my life rather than having one parent as merely a visitor. I think that every child should have this privilege.
It has allowed me to have a normal relationship with both my parents and do regular things with both of them.
I cannot imagine what it would be like to not be able to see them both as much as I do.
I have been able to have the same friends as I have always had. I have been able to go to the same school where I get good grades.
I have been able to do special things like go to baseball games, golf tournaments, museums, and air shows.
My life has been the same as my friends whose parents are still together.
My dad had taught me many things that he could not have done if I had only seen him on the weekends. The same with my mom.
I cannot see why anyone would not allow both parents to be in a kid’s life.
Please change the law now so that every kid can have what I have.
Age 13
Akron, Ohio
As I closed out his words, not mine, I could see numbers of the committee wiping their eyes and heard quiet sobs from the room. His words had choked in my throat somewhat but I made it through them. I also knew that I had made an impact that day as had he with his words. I was no hero; I was just a dad doing what he was supposed to do.
That day is in the past now and I can only really look forward to the next opportunity to testify and that day will come very soon. There are always moments in a person's life that they can look back on that will forever be etched in their personal history and that hopefully become a stepping stone to greater things. For me, I hope that day 14 years ago and that moment in time was that point.
The coming year is going to be a very busy one as legislation I've written will be introduced in multiple states including Ohio. This has never been an easy journey as there have always been some that want to stick their foot out and trip you along the way and some of those that are doing that now are ones that were working with us in the past. Friendships come and friendships go but the need to do what is best for society as a whole overcomes those losses and strengthens the gains.
So, as I celebrate my birthday this year, I want you to join me, not necessarily in person but by doing something that will help everyone. What I want you to do is help us by donating large or small to cover the costs that are coming in this coming year. This effort will not come cheaply, but I have a solid group that includes some very experienced lobbyists who will be working with us. Our costs are going to come in printing the various reports and in the travel, expenses coming from the four corners of Ohio in Columbus to meet with legislators and push this effortlessly. We can't do it alone we have to have help.
So, what I want you to do on this day is issue the donations and donate the cost of the beer, a coffee, or a card that you would buy this old man to celebrate having circled the sun one more time. Instead of leaving me with a hangover the next day, that donation will allow me and those who are working with me to go full tilt after getting our next equal custody bill passed. I have no intention of waiting another 11 years to testify or stopping until this mission is completed because there is far too much at stake in the lives of our children and the future of society.
Ray R. Lautenschlager
Legislative Director
